Die Panda Die(2017 / IMDb)
|Alpha Wolf — Michael Chapman, C Michael Whaley, John Johnson, Scott Johnson||Director, Camera — John Johnson|
|Beta Wolf — Russell Halvorson, Scott Johnson||Writer, Editor, Sound — Scott Johnson|
|Owl — Alisa Chapman||Music — Kevin McCreary|
|Bull — Russell Halvorson, Scott Johnson||Music — Setuniman @ www.freesound.com|
|Panda — Scott Johnson|
|Duck — Nick Provenzano|
|Talking Monkey — C Michael Whaley|
|Silent Monkey — Nick Provenzano|
|Horse — Russell Halvorson, Scott Johnson|
|Bunny — Scott Johnson|
|Fighting Pig — Jackson Macdonald|
|Porn Pig — C Michael Whaley|
|Panda & Horse Voice — John Johnson|
|All Other Voices — Scott Johnson|
After doing so many dark horror films, we thought we’d try our hand at a comedy film. Of course, there still needs to be blood, so this is really a comedy-revenge. Think of Boondock Saints meets Sesame Street. Here’s the story…
Panda is the head of a large crime syndicate known as The Menagerie. One of Panda’s goons ties up and kills Omega Wolf, one of the Wolf Clan. When the two remaining Wolf Brothers discover what happened, they declare war on The Menagerie and aim to take down Panda himself.
The film opens with Owl, one of Panda’s known associates, bound and gagged at the hands of Alpha Wolf and Beta Wolf. Alpha shows Owl the photos he obtained of Omega’s demise and flings them in her face. Owl can only lie there on the ground and hope for mercy. But Alpha has none. He pulls out his gun and shoots. After the fluff settles, Beta walks over with an axe, squares up with Owl’s head, and swings down to cut it off.
Back at Panda’s Lair, everyone is hanging around, waiting for their next assignment, not aware of the plans laid against them by the Wolf Brothers. Panda is busy cutting his product for the next shipment when Bull, his number two, brings in a box and lays it down on top of Panda’s desk.
Panda opens the box to reveal Owl’s severed head with a message written in blood on the flap. You’re Next! Panda gets angry and demands action. He tells Bull to send Bunny and Pig to collect the Wolf Brothers and bring them back to the Lair.
During this time, the Wolf Brothers have been commiserating over their brother’s grave and are heavy into drink and sleep when Bunny and Pig find them. Alpha immediately understands what is going on, but he does not wish them to be taken to the Lair as captives. He wants them to fight their way there as champions of Omega’s cause. A fight ensues.
Bunny and Pig are dispatched. Alpha and Beta take the car filled with weapons and drive to the Lair. The know they will have to fight whatever comes their way and that they may not make it out alive. But they are not prepared for what awaits them at the entrance. Two really stupid Monkeys.
The Monkeys are killed quickly and the brothers split up to better search the warehouse.
Beta happens first upon Pig, not paying attention to anything but an animal porn magazine. He is too distracted to notice Beta lumbering up toward him. He doesn’t even care when Beta points a gun at him and shoots.
Alpha then wanders around a corner and runs into Duck, who has just finished using the restroom. They have a quick showdown, then both decide to lower their weapons and fight it out like civilized animals. Duck is no match for Alpha Wolf and is thrown to the ground rather quickly. He re-draws his gun and there is a short Reservoir Dog standoff. Duck, not understanding the rules of engagement, reaches up to move Alpha’s gun out of the way. Alpha has patience, but you just don’t touch another animal’s gun. He shoots off Duck’s hand, then finishes him off completely.
Alpha continues to run into other goons, such as Horse, that likes to shout out opposites, and Bull, that is very into calisthenics before a good fight. Eventually Beta meets back up with Alpha and the two watch as their last obstacle accidentally ends his own life in comedic fashion.
As the two finally approach the final room, Panda pulls a Scarface move and takes a snout-full snort of his product before grabbing his machine gun to take them on. The Wolf Brothers enter the room and Panda opens fire.
Fortunately for the Brothers, Panda did not have his glasses on and misses them completely…41 times. Alpha and Beta look at each other in a very Pulp Fiction manner, draw their guns together, and shoot Panda three times each. Panda falls dead across his desk and we see Alpha and Beta in the background slowly turn and walk out of the room.
I know I’ve said this before, but this project was an absolute blast to make. We purchased twelve full-body animal costumes and took turns playing various characters. Everyone we talked to about this project wanted in, but we could only accommodate so many people.
For the location, John happened to have access to a warehouse that wasn’t really in use at his job. The owner gave us permission to film inside and we were able to move enough boxes and pallet walls around to get what we needed. Although it doesn’t look like a legit drug manufacturing plant (and we all know what those look like), it does look pretty good and it has a nice warehouse effect.
There is a lot of adult humor thrown into this film, so we’re a little hesitant about showing it off. But we think that most people will enjoy the film and can’t wait for it to finish.
Having said that, this film was shot in September of 2015 and it is still being worked on. That is insane for us. We have always prided ourselves on finishing projects within a few months of final footage. Not only does no one want to wait that long to see their work (especially the actors), but we don’t want to delay what’s ahead of us for a project that lingers.
Why is this one taking so long? A huge amount of this film, more so than others, lies in post-production sound. All of the animals need voices. All of the clips need foley. All of the scenes need scoring. None of this was done during filming. Not only does it all need to be created, but their lines and voices have to be created from scratch. This is basically an entire second film that needs generating.
And we aren’t focusing on just this. EGF has been busy producing other films over the last 15 months. We have also worked on other people’s set and have produced films for other filmmakers. This project has unfortunately been back-burnered.